Does wrestling/fighting has to be always erotic?

Alright, after reading through everyone's replies to this thread a second time, I figured I'd try to get the request started:

New Keywords: (Non-Sexual), (No Sex Required), and (Sex Only)

That's the link to the topic/thread I just created in the "Ask The Tech" forum.

If you like what it says, I hope you'll throw in a mention of support! If you don't like what it says, mention it anyway! I linked to this thread as a way of showing there's support for the idea, as all of you deserve credit for taking the time to share your thoughts and opinions on this. If it affects you, it means it affects the community! So we'll see what the future brings.

Not sure I need to do this, but I kind of want to, so here we go:

• Sex is an act.
• Sexual relates to exhibiting characteristics of sex, sexuality, or sex organs.
• Erotic is something of or relating to sexual desire/arousal.
• Eroticism is the state of being erotic, or sexually aroused.

I didn't pull traditional definitions or anything, I just typed it out like that to highlight how "Sex" and "Erotic" cover two different things. You can have an erotic wrestling match that doesn't involve sex at all (no groping at genitals, no penetration, no sexual acts, etcetera). You could also have a sexual wrestling match that doesn't involve eroticism (non-consensual, or purely competitive in a 'sexual domination' sense, etcetera). Being in a state of sex, and being in a state of arousal, are two different things.

Things are made more complicated when you consider this is a roleplaying site: so maybe it's non-consensual between the characters, but consensual between the players. In that case, the characters could be in a sexual match, and the players an erotic/sexual session.

But personally, when I'm in the BJJ place in real-life, I don't feel the eroticism at all. My game-brain gets turned on, and I'm in competition mode, not erotic mode. This is very important, especially depending on the age of the person I might be wrestling, for instance. So I'm very, very quick to separate wrestling and its inherent "gayness" and "eroticism", because in my mind, they don't always go together—and there are some situations where they shouldn't go together at all.

Which is why I'm really in favor of adding a [Non-Sexual] tag to the list. It'd be really helpful knowing up-front who is, and who isn't, able to separate Sexual and Erotic from a match. This site is called "ChatFighters", after all, not "CockFighters" or "SexFighters". If it were those other two, I'd stop typing right now, look around, and say, "oh, my bad, I entered the wrong chat, lol."

As it is now, practically all I see now are characters and players looking for sex. My assessment could be skewed, perhaps it's (1) person making (10) characters, and so it just seems like the sex-seeking characters are over represented. However, the High Table federation and its popularity is definitely an indication that ultra-violence and sex-combat are pretty popular. Combine that with the abundance of characters 22 years-old and younger, and it becomes clear what most people (or what a small, but very active group of people) are interested in.

No one's forcing me to do matches I don't wanna do...but it's also reaching a point where if I want a mature, adult match that doesn't involve sex, I need to send fifty messages a day in chat just to hope I can find one or two people who would be willing to say "yeah, I like that balance too". It'd be a lot easier if there were some "Non—" tags, maybe even a [Sex Required] tag, just to help clear up who is comfortable with what, or requires what, and make those people easier to find in the Character search. It'd also give people more flexibility over sharing what they're into. More self-expression! That's gotta be a good thing, right?

Thank you for your thoughtfulness Bronx, this is well put!

I think the counterargument would be that there already is the "Gay", "Straight", etc. tags and the characters' orientation sliders, so I can readily understand a site admin perspective of 'we designed to account for this, but you can't control how real users do or do not use website features', etc. But I think your suggestion may offer more clarity more quickly when perusing the site.

hey everybody - allow me to answer in a different way:
is "usual" wrestling not usually non-erotic?
is "normal" wrestling, every-day wrestling not non-erotic?

isn´t it a privilege to have this place, where it is "allowed" to include passion and erotics into fights?
shouldn´t we appreciate, that here are men, who are courageous to confess their lust not only to submit, but also to share love and erotics with an opponent?
isn´t it easier to find men in the real world, that refuse erotics - and it is US, who are the minority?

allow me also a complete "twist" in thinking now:
Is not facing and wrestling and fighting a man ALWAYS (kind of) erotic?
sharing, comparing, exchanging, enjoying, teaching and learning power, skills, moves, techniques, might with a guy? getting as close to a man, as possible, feel his heat, muscles, heart? how could that be NOT erotic? Loving to feel another man as close as possible and learning from his hands more about ourselves?
But here men are united, that confess/ that declare, that sexuality can be part of it. So isn´t it a question of sex or no - sex, instead of distinguishing between erotic or non erotic?

thank you for reading and hope, that my thoughts could be taken as a bit useful :-) thank you for starting the discussion

Sorry to revive an old thread, but it still seemed like the best spot with the most dialogue about this.

Is there a best practice for finding people interested in non-erotic matches other than just asking around? The "Pro wrestling", "Straight", etc. tags aren't especially useful, and from what I could gather, none of the federations quite specialize in this.

People have been friendly and respectful when I ask them about a non-erotic match and they're not interested (and vice versa), and most of my matches have been with fighters who predominantly do erotic matches/stakes, but it can still be sort of difficult to find available opponents sometimes. Plenty of people enjoy both, but if all of the stories on their profile are erotic/stakes, you might not think to inquire, etc.

Just make sure you talk about what you want before you start. It goes much better that way.

For sure, thanks. I guess what I'm trying to say is it can be kind of hard to identify those who are interested in the more vanilla/"mild" side of "mild to wild" other than just asking a lot of people. The "Pro wrestling" tag isn't necessarily a clear indicator (given that pretty much everyone picks it) in the way that "CBT" or "Gutpunching" are very clear reflections of those interests.

Does that make sense?

Wrestling does not always have to be erotic. I think if we communicate our expectations clearly, that is a big help.

I think you've done the right thing in making it clear in your bio, the thing I usually do is ask the person beforehand whether they've read through my profile and think we would be a good match.

I've been on her for two years or so and setting limits concerning erotic content (and extreme violence) has been a challenge - especially in the beginning. First of all, you get less matches if you insist on these limits but more importantly, there are (a few) people who cross these limits anyway. Of course I can block them but it still feels bad whenever it happens. After all this time I found a couple of great wrestlers I have matches with regularly but it's still a challenge to get a match with someone new on the site. I think a tag like non-erotic might help with finding a good match.

I believe the neutral baseline in roleplay should be no sex. If someone wants full sexual penetration to be part of the interaction, the responsibility is on them to state that clearly, both in their profile and to their partner. For me, there is an important distinction between eroticism and sexual intercourse, and I try to keep that line visible. Wrestling and domination, whether gay or straight, can naturally carry an erotic charge, and I have no problem with partners describing their feelings or acknowledging when they find a match hot. That is fine with me. What I am not interested in are scenarios that involve sexual penetration as a stake. I respect those who do enjoy that, and I have no objection to consenting adults exploring it, but it is not something I will participate in.

Just like in real life, consent is the most important thing. People who lay out their boundaries prior to a session should be listened to, and if you can't meet those boundaries, you shouldn't engage with that person. Visa versa, if you chat first and lay out a boundary, and the other person crosses it, you're fully within your right to walk away, mute, or block that person.

I'm not into sex. I get off on the struggle, wrestling, the elements of dominance and submission. Straight or gay doesn't matter to me, there's enough intimacy in one grappler dominating another, squeezing them until they're defeated. But it can be hard reaching out to people, because when I see all the kinks in someone's character profile, are those simply things they're into, or things they require in a match?

I do kinda wish there were a "No Sex Required" tag, or something that would clearly indicate a character who is perfectly fine with just doing matches that don't end up in sex...but that can also just be learned by talking to them. So, before you start any match, make sure they're willing to listen, make sure you listen to them as well, and have fun.

No it defintely does not, it seems that most people on here treat sex as a priority which limits any real valuable actions in a fight. If they treat it like a dating site it's time to leave.

I'm the rare straight dude here but I get why so many feel the need for erotic action. It's important to lay out the type of match u want before being surprised. I don't get as many matches but II have found folks to be straight with me, so to speak. I wrestled many gays real and only once did I have a uncomfortable situation and even that wasn't awful.

I talk for myself. I enter here "to come". To do certain stuff that I may not do RL, or do once a year or so. Fantasies heavily sex oriented, BDSM, domination and well... whatever kink I have. Since time is precious, and I do not spend much here, I enter for what I came for. So, honestly, it's very likely I will reject a sole fight with no erotic/sex/kink stuff. Be honest, be clear, and you will find people alike in here. Don't take personal if many here want erotic and sex, and reject you, everyone enter here for their own interests. There will be some here who think like you, so it's great you opened this topic to find them.

I’ve always wrestled to wrestle and very often it’s completely, “clean”. If it takes an erotic twist, I’d often go with the flow. The important thing is to know where he and you draw the lines. A lot of guys get turned on, I do, the question is whether that’s the aim or the biproduct and then what if anything you do about it. There’s room for everyone, I think.

If you don't want erotic elements then you need to state that BEFORE engaging with an opponent. Can't blame someone for crossing a line they didn't know existed. IMHO

I do make it clear before a match and when I do that, it is very hard to find a match. People here mostly are looking for the erotic stuff

I will admit, as a writer who will include erotic or not (but mostly included), my first reaction was to ask if you read guys' profiles and if stakes/erotic are there, swipe left. But as I thought about it more, perhaps there should be a tag for "nonerotic" to help you search for kindred wrestlers.

yeah there must be. Also it is super hard to find a match when I mention non erotic

You guys make an accurate observation. I have been on here for 6 years and during that time , there are more guys looking for stakes all the time, I do matches either way .... with or without stakes,
In real life all I ever needed to shoot a load was rolling with some hot stud, I know you both will find lots of guys who will mirror your ideas
Happy Hunting
Dave

it is super hard to find someone who loves wrestling alone and are looking for non erotic type of wrestling

I have been using this site for a while now and been seeing almost all people are simply into the erotic stuff. I myself love pro wrestling and don't really like it to be erotic. I am not saying people shouldn't have their own fun but damn this site is just filled with people who wants horny stuff rather than wrestling. It makes me feel a bit left out here. Are there guys who love pro wrestling action more? HMU guys

Right, most of people here but still you can find some people into just the wrestling action. Just stay it up front and be clear in your profile.

I do state it upfront and it is very difficult to find a match wirh similar interests

Well the erotic element is sort of the default here. If you don't want erotic state that upfront. IMHO

I do, as you said it is the default here as people are looking for it most times

Hi , I am totally in agreement with you and as a site that promotes wrestling it’s hard when so many accounts have so much emphasis on erotic action , I want everyone to be able to express themselves in the manner they choose , you really need a separate room set up for erotic , stuff also it’s disturbing that their are also so many in to extreme violence and death mentioned in their profile .
I think these things need to be sorted out when guys discuss things before a match , don’t feel isolated
and stick to want you feel comfortable with I am sure there are a lot of other guys out there that think like us .