THE HIGH TABLE

13:43 KFC_Gut: After defeating that swamp slug I trudge on through the foul festering marsh till I spy a city. As I approach I realise the city is ruined. I can see the bleached bones scattered around like the remains of my KFC jumbo sized bargain bucket meal after I have devoured the meat

13:48 KFC_Gut: This annoying Gandalf impersonator appears from behind the gate waffling on. Before I have chance to tell him to stop fucking me around and get me some food he had disappeared. A deep noise echoes through the ancient halls. Two ways open ahead. One leads through a hall of statues and cracked pillars. The other disappears into a corridor darkened by old blood. I choose the former.

13:50 KFC_Gut: Ahead is a large stone building which may still be roofed. There might be food there or even a chair !! Hoping for both i enter

13:53 KFC_Gut: Hall is disappointing as there is neither. There is a stone plinth to sit on so I do so.

13:56 KFC_Gut: The carved faces on the walls seem to watch me then I see the ground shift as a figure appears called itself the Guardian ! Not guardian of any decent food I reply

13:57 KFC_Gut: That clearly was not the correct reply as it moves forwards grabbing my arms to try to lift me

13:57 KFC_Gut: !dice 2d6
Roll the dice... ⚅ 6 + ⚂ 3 = 9

13:58 KFC_Gut: I am 600 lb !!

13:58 KFC_Gut:

13:59 KFC_Gut: It isn’t used to manhandling such a weight as I feel it strain and heave time after time till it seems to give up

14:02 KFC_Gut: It takes damage 6 less 3 is 3 so is on 11.

14:03 KFC_Gut: Assuming it will leave me alone now as I get up but no back it comes this time trying to wrap it’s arms around my huge girth

14:04 KFC_Gut: !dice 2d6
Roll the dice... ⚃ 4 + ⚁ 2 = 6

14:05 KFC_Gut: My belly so big it can’t get its arms around me. Rather bemused I don’t attack just assuming it will bugger off.

14:07 KFC_Gut: But of course it returns this time trying to slam a fist into my belly !! Seeing it try as I try to grab hold of it in my own bearhug

14:07 KFC_Gut: !dice 2d6
Roll the dice... ⚃ 4 + ⚂ 3 = 7

14:09 KFC_Gut: Preventing the fist in the belly I manage to clasp hands behind its back and despite its armour my strength starts to squeeze it

14:09 KFC_Gut: It takes damage 4 less 3 is 1 so now on 10

14:10 KFC_Gut: Face to face as I continue to squeeze the heavy guardian trying to push it back against a wall

14:11 KFC_Gut: !dice 2d6
Roll the dice... ⚁ 2 + ⚄ 5 = 7

14:13 KFC_Gut: I may be 600 lb but it is even heavier and I can’t shift it an inch. Me straining heaving sweating as I try but eventually starting to move it squeezing it hard

14:13 KFC_Gut:

14:14 KFC_Gut: It takes damage 2 less 1 is 1 so on 9 now.

14:16 KFC_Gut: I have pushed it against the wall. Using my weight to hold it in place freeing my hands so I can grab it around the throat to strangle it

14:16 KFC_Gut: It’s hands also free attempting to punch my belly and sides

14:23 KFC_Gut: !dice 2d6
Roll the dice... ⚃ 4 + ⚄ 5 = 9

14:25 KFC_Gut: My weight holding it in place as I start to strangle. Though apparently made of stone it is living tissue and so strangling does work

14:25 KFC_Gut: It’s hands not attacking me but trying to defend itself

14:26 KFC_Gut: Losing 4 less 1 is 3 bullets so it is on 6 now.

14:27 KFC_Gut: It tries to pull my hands off its throat as I continue to squeeze. Pressing it into the very wall it tried to guard me against

14:28 KFC_Gut: !dice 2d6
Roll the dice... ⚄ 5 + ⚂ 3 = 8

14:29 KFC_Gut: I feel the Guardian weakening as I continue the strangulation - not pretty but effective

14:30 KFC_Gut: It loses more points 5 less 3 is 2 so now it’s on 4.

14:34 KFC_Gut: Slamming my belly into the weakening stone figure as I almost end up crushing it into the wall it is protecting. It seems to be fading as I squeeze throat tighter

14:34 KFC_Gut: !dice 2d6
Roll the dice... ⚅ 6 + ⚅ 6 = 12

14:35 KFC_Gut: With a huge roar I slam into hard into the wall as its body shatters into small pieces of inert stone

14:36 KFC_Gut: Huge damage of 6 less 0 plus 2 is 8

14:36 KFC_Gut: Completely pulverising the foe

16:04 KFC_Gut: Chest heaving I lean against the wall to recover. Regaining three life points so I am now on 21.

16:05 KFC_Gut: I hear a sound behind me as the floor starts to shake so I turn

16:15 KFC_Gut: This huge monster stands in front of me. Ten foot tall with a huge belly !! Looks like it is solid made if the stone itself. Its belly is rumbling and gurgling as if it has spotted a large meal. Realising that may be me. As well as a hunter I am also a wrestler. When I was a young man and weighing 400 lbs I wrestled the 6 ft 11 700 lbs Giant Haystacks. He was huge ! But this thing is even huger !!

16:17 KFC_Gut:

16:17 KFC_Gut:

16:17 KFC_Gut:

16:20 KFC_Gut: No idea how much it weighs but I assume it’s a fucking lot. Haystacks was nearly double my weight when we wrestled and I reckon this monster scarily is easily doubly my current weight and maybe as much as 1500 lbs or even 2000 lbs

16:25 KFC_Gut: It senses my fear moving slowly towards me as I try to back away but wall is behind me. Then it charges at me. I know this move as i have done it countless times to smaller opponents to crush them in the corner of the ring. I can’t get around it as there are stone piles there blocking my escape. So I decide to charge back at it to avoid getting crushed against wall

16:25 KFC_Gut: !dice 2d6
Roll the dice... ⚃ 4 + ⚀ 1 = 5

16:28 KFC_Gut: BOOM !! It is like hitting a brick wall as I get slammed back several yards with my back hitting the stone wall of the hall

16:28 KFC_Gut: Sustaining damage of 2 less 1 is 1 so now I am on 20.

16:29 KFC_Gut: I see the monster getting ready to charge again. Ground shaking as it picks up speed. I try to sidestep before I get crushed

16:30 KFC_Gut: !dice 2d6
Roll the dice... ⚁ 2 + ⚀ 1 = 3

16:32 KFC_Gut: BOOM ! It feels like the hall just fell on me as the giant monster collides with me crushing me against wall.

16:34 KFC_Gut: My huge belly compressed by the massive solid gut of the huge beast.

16:35 KFC_Gut: Sustaining damage from the crushing of 4 less 1 is 3 meaning I am down to 17.

16:37 KFC_Gut: I can smell the stench of the monster even worse than my stink. It’s belly gurgling as it presses me even more pushing its belly into mine. Struggling to breathe

16:37 KFC_Gut: Trying to slam forearms into its chest as I can’t reach any higher

16:38 KFC_Gut: !dice 2d6
Roll the dice... ⚅ 6 + ⚀ 1 = 7

16:40 KFC_Gut: My attacks seem to be taking effect as I feel it pull back. Growling and rubbing its chest. It’s huge belly touching mine still so I still cant escape though

16:41 KFC_Gut: Monster loses 6 less 5 is 1 so it’s now on 16

16:42 KFC_Gut: As that was successful I send a flurry of blows to its chest , sides and thighs. Trying to get it to move back before it decides to charge again

16:42 KFC_Gut: !dice 2d6
Roll the dice... ⚅ 6 + ⚅ 6 = 12

16:44 KFC_Gut: This works as I manage to apparently wound the huge beast badly as a couple of my hits find its balls. I hear in yelling in pain as it backs away

16:45 KFC_Gut: Damage severe to it - 6 less 0 plus 2 is a huge 8 !! Bringing it to 8.

16:46 KFC_Gut: I am too fat and slow to run but luckily so is it as I finally see a way of getting past monster then out the door

16:47 KFC_Gut: Trying to move past it while it is checking its balls still are attached

16:47 KFC_Gut: !dice 2d6
Roll the dice... ⚄ 5 + ⚂ 3 = 8

16:48 KFC_Gut: Monster up so close and i am so fat I can’t get through so I slam more forearms into it.

16:49 KFC_Gut: Inflicting damage of 5 less 3 is 2 bringing it to just 6.

16:51 KFC_Gut: Monster recoiling now as I move towards doorway turning to check in on it as I move nearer door. One eye on it and one eye on opening. Suddenly it charges at me again

16:51 KFC_Gut: !dice 2d6
Roll the dice... ⚁ 2 + ⚅ 6 = 8

16:54 KFC_Gut: I see it charge and feel it as room is shaking. Even such a huge man as me can sidestep a one tonne beast when my life depends on it. Which I do. The monster skins belly first into the wall beside me. Huge pieces of stone drop on its head.

16:54 KFC_Gut: Monster sustaining more damage 2 less 0 is 2 - it’s on just 4 now

16:57 KFC_Gut: I assume it’s far too badly hurt to be a threat anymore as I head towards the door naively not checking on it. I have to pass close by and as I do so it tries to slam a fist into my skull

16:57 KFC_Gut: !dice 2d6
Roll the dice... ⚅ 6 + ⚁ 2 = 8

16:59 KFC_Gut: I see it just in time and grab a large stone and smash it into its chest. I hear a crunch as the monster collapses

16:59 KFC_Gut: Damage 6 less 4 plus 2 is 4

17:01 KFC_Gut: Monster on zero. Not dead just ko. Not wanting to kill such a huge beast who I reckon was just hungry I move quickly out the doorway back into sunlight allowing the giant stone beast to recover. Regaining three points so i am on 20